The plain truth about hoarding disorder, is it is not something we choose. Life thrusts it upon us for a variety of reasons. Once we get the disorder, it is with us for life. The best we can do is find a way to live with it.
There is a bit of a hoarder in every one of us, because we all hang on to things we don’t really need. However, this natural tendency can become a significant problem if one or more of these factors is true:
- The hoarder cannot use some areas in their home as they did before. Some rooms may even be inaccessible.
- Other people living with the hoarder find their relationship falling apart, as they challenge the situation.
Some Hoarders Cannot Accept the Oblivious Truth
What may seem blatantly obvious to family members, becomes the new normal for the hoarder. The plain truth about hoarding, stripped of all its hype, is compulsive hoarders simply do not understand the problem. To them, they are acting normally and responsibly by not wasting things, and rather ‘saving them for a rainy day’.
Many friendships fracture at this point due to criticism. This conflict may drive a hoarder deeper into themselves, as a sense of shame envelopes them. This group of hoarders conceal their stuff in ‘hiding places’ like garages and cellars. They close their door to others, and reject all offers of help.
The Early Stages of Hoarding (Avery Associates)
What May Drive Someone to Become a Hoarder
Doctors do not fully understand what causes people to start hoarding. The cause and effect relationship is not clear. Hoarders may have a mobility problem for example, or have difficulty categorising items for disposal.
But at a deeper level, hoarding may be the outward sign of depression, or lurking schizophrenia affecting thinking. These issues are beyond the scope of this article, and we recommend seeking professional advice.
Hoarding may also be a special case of general obsessive compulsive disorder. However, it may more likely be the outward sign of general neglect. Doctors do not fully understand the relationship, although some of the following may be true for your hoarder:
- They had a deprived childhood, or failed to bond with their family.
- They grew up in a cluttered home and did not learn to prioritise.
- But they could also live alone, be unmarried, and have no life partner.
The plain truth about hoarding is we do not understand it fully, and may even consider it abnormal. Hoarders, on the other hand, may simply not understand our problem. We move on, and drill down deeper into what makes a hoarder hoard.
What is Hoarding in The Mind of a Hoarder?
Many of us are concerned about waste generally, and finding new purposes for things. Other of us like to hang on to memories of the past, and store things away that we find attractive.
Hoarders feel the same way about keeping things ‘for later’. In fact, they find it painfully difficult to discard items that others may regard as no value. All of us hang on to possessions for sentimental reasons. Another plain truth about hoarding to remember, is that hoarders value their stuff, no matter what we may think.
The Outward Signs of Developing Hoarding
A hoard may begin in a home in a quiet corner, without anybody – including the hoarder – realising what is going on. The outward signs of an emerging hoard may include:
- Hanging on to items that are broken, or have no monetary value.
- A growing difficulty with making decisions, and organising things.
- Becoming increasingly possessive about personal property.
- A gradual deterioration in the state of the home and household routine.
- Falling away from close personal relationship, and increasing isolation.
Hoarded Clutter Encountered by Avery Associates
The Plain Truth About Helping Hoarders
Clearly, we should not just sit back and watch the life of a hoarder disintegrate. Friendship urges us to try to help. One thing is for sure though, we cannot take the hoarding out of a hoarder. All we can do is protect them from the adverse consequences of their involuntary behaviour.
A good way to approach this is to reason with the hoarder about safety. In this way we don’t comment on WHAT they are collecting, but HOW they are doing so. Introduce the topic by offering to help them tidy their home, but first there are three things to remember:
- Ask the hoarder to decide which items they are prepared to give up.
- Never attempt to take over their space. You want them to have ownership.
- Do not attempt to steamroller anything. Be patient. Move at their pace.
We must help a hoarder whenever we can, but only when they allow us to, and with respect at all times.
Clearing a Hoarded Home with Avery Associates
We shared the plain truth about hoarding as we understand it. We can help you do the physical lifting and carrying, once you and your hoarder have agreed what to keep, and what to discard.
Please contact us if you require any assistance Or advice. We are active throughout Greater London, and in the South of England too.
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