Having a loved one who is also a hoarder, adds another layer to the relationship. Helping them clear their home of clutter can be downright stressful, if we try to influence their beliefs. Providing support for someone with hoarding disorder is therefore not something that we should lightly undertake. Keep reading for a fresh take on this.
Supporting a Hoarder Can Be a Lonely Road
Most people have no idea what makes a hoarder tick, even if they were interested. They likely do not appreciate the value that a hoarder attaches to their clutter. They probably have no idea of the anguish that a hoarder goes through, at the very thought of discarding some of their possessions.
This natural reticence allows their clutter to grow to alarming proportions in some instances. Their bathroom and kitchen may become unhygienic, and their home less safe in a fire, because the back door is blocked. Friends who try to help may feel rejected, and visit less and less often.
Coming to Terms With the Reality You Face
We recommend you come to terms with your emotional reaction to the situation first. Your hoarder is not going to change overnight, because their behaviour is compulsive, and natural to them. All of us collect sentimental clutter as we go through life. However, hoarding is a ‘bird of another feather’.
Severely Cluttered Bathroom (Image Avery Associates)
Stripped of all the hype, your loved one may be a compulsive hoarder, if one or more of the following is true:
- They place high value on their possessions, whether or not they have actual value. This obsession can generate high stress levels if someone tries to dispossess them.
- Their clutter grows and grows and gradually overtakes the open space in their home. They dump their stuff instead of arranging it tidily. This makes it difficult to clean or repair their home.
- Dust and mildew may spread, because they cannot clean things easily, and struggle to reach windows to open them. Insects and rodents may arrive and dine on forgotten scraps of food.
A Staircase Blocked With Clutter (Image Avery Associates)
Your hoarder may notice the dirt around their home, although their priorities lie elsewhere. Many hoarders become deeply ashamed of their standard of living. They no longer admit visitors, as they tumble down into an abyss of loneliness.
It is not difficult to feel overwhelmed by this situation, especially if you share your home with a hoarder. Providing support for someone with this disorder can seem like a lonely road, with nobody offering to help you. You reach a crossroads. Should you do something, or should you walk away?
Supporting Someone with Hoarding Disorder
Your first step should be to find a way past the veil of isolation and silence. But first, you need to remember that your hoarder is responding to compulsive urges, not deliberately thinking before they act. They are unlikely to view their hoarding as a problem. To them it is a constructive activity.
You should aim to rekindle the relationship first, in an open-ended atmosphere of mutual respect. Never confront the hoarding behaviour directly, because there are deep-seated emotions at play.
When you have the opportunity, discuss the consequences of hoarding in terms of personal hygiene and safety. Agree small milestones like unblocking exit doors and windows. Providing support for someone with a hoarding disorder in this fashion, could transform you from a threat to a helping hand in need.
Rebuild your relationship step by step, without making hoarding the key topic. Encourage your friend to take short breaks beyond the confines of their home. Their obsession with hoarding could gradually become less intense, as they realize that there is more to life than clutter.
Helping Someone De-Hoard Their Home
You can clear hoarding clutter, but you cannot transform a hoarder’s behaviour. Take progressive steps by taking the worst away, room by room and gradually. Speak to Avery Associates when you need clutter taking away for recycling. We offer a service that is so discreet, that the neighbours may hardly notice.
More Information
The Plain Truth About Hoarding Disorder
Why Does a Hoarder Collect Clutter?
Jeffrey and his team did a first class clearance of a three-bedroom house following the death of my wife’s cousin, a single gentleman and electrical engineer who never threw anything away, and whose parents bought the house when it was built in the 1930s. Friern Barnet
