Teenagers naturally push boundaries, as they develop their own identity and move towards independence. They also value their privacy, and resist tidying their rooms ‘just because’. Their parents may wonder, is my teenager becoming a compulsive hoarder, or just being rebellious?
It’s not easy to draw the line here, or figure out what’s going on in a teenager’s mind. Possessions are part of their emerging identity. Ought we to insist they tidy their rooms, or is this just a phase they are passing through?
What Is a Compulsive Teenage Hoarder?
Compulsive hoarding (they also call it hoarding disorder) is a recognized mental health condition. This means hoarding happens to us without our conscious decision:
- We collect a large number of possessions that others often see as worthless.
- We can’t seem to get rid of them either. The thought of doing so stresses us.
- Our accommodation becomes so cluttered that we can’t use it as we once did.
Compulsive hoarding may begin in early adolescence, although the typical hoarder is an older person in the public mind.
Is My Teenager Untidy or Obsessed”
We may struggle to figure out what is happening as we ask our friends, is my teenager becoming a compulsive hoarder. Here are a few important clues to help you decide:
- Does your teenager become uptight and emotional when you discuss their clutter?
- Do they throw a tantrum if you insist they tidy their room and throw away their junk?
- Is their clutter making it harder for them to sleep, do their homework, or tidy their room?
- Is your teen becoming secretive, hiding stuff, or refusing to let you enter their room?
How Common Is Hoarding Among Teens?
Only a few parents have teenagers who become compulsive hoarders, so it is not a common condition. However, quite a few adult hoarders remember collecting clutter in early adolescence. Your teen may just be going through an untidy phase. But they may also be showing early signs of developing a mental lifestyle condition.
The Underlying Drivers of Teenage Hoarding
There are no single causes of compulsive hoarding. It can surface during teens from a mix of emotional, cognitive, and neurological drivers:
- Strong emotional bonds with objects that recall memories or reinforce identity.
- Difficulty deciding what to keep, and what to shed to clear space for normal living.
- Other underlying conditions such as obsessive-compulsive disorder, or a reaction to an earlier trauma.
However, compulsive hoarding can also be a response to growing up in an untidy home, or having a parent who is a hoarder themselves.
Key Warnings To Look Out For
Keep an eye out for these key indicators, if you think your teenager could be becoming a compulsive hoarder.
- They become strongly emotional if you touch their things or suggest removing them.
- There are a large number of items. But you see little practical value in keeping these.
- Areas of your teen’s room, or furniture, are so cluttered they can hardly use them.
- They don’t allow you, or other family members, or friends into their room any more.
- You find yourself in a state of conflict over this situation. It is more than teenage untidiness!
Where to Turn If You are Concerned
Approaching this issue openly, calls for empathy and a structured approach. Be open and honest about your feelings, and your teen’s, without insisting they clear their room.
Concentrate on supporting, not controlling the situation. Clearing clutter triggers anxiety. Insisting on a cleanup can backfire. Rather establish small, manageable goals than tackling the entire room.
Gently suggest your adolescent chats with an independent, professional person, such as a trusted family doctor, a school counselor, or someone involved in child and adolescent mental health care.
Remember you were an authority figure when your teen was younger, but that role is changing. Your child has become a young adult with independent values. You need to negotiate!
If You Decide You Need Outside Support
If you believe your teenager has become a compulsive hoarder, and is not just being teenage-untidy, then you may benefit from professional advice and practical help.
Gently discuss this possibility with your teen, again in a non-confrontational way. Explain you understand their shame and isolation, and are truly sorry for any conflict you may have caused.
Assure them that they are not the only teenage hoarder in England, and that up to 2% of UK teens find themselves in a similar position. Explain the basics of cognitive behavioural therapy, and how it may help them understand their underlying thoughts, emotions, and behavior behind their clutter.
If you gently and sympathetically persist, you may reach the point where your teenager decides it is time to clear their room. Visit the Avery Associates website, if you need advice on how to go about this.
