Helping a person with hoarding disorder is not an easy task. It can actually be quite stressful, and sometimes we wonder whether it is worth the bother. If you find yourself in this situation, then we wrote this post to help you take a fresh look at what is going on.
How People End Up Hoarding Things
People who hoard things to the extent of our photo below, become so unusually fond of their possessions that they can’t throw anything away. Therefore it is important to remember that they did not choose to go down this route. The situation crept up on them without them consciously noticing.
However, not everybody who accumulates clutter is necessarily a hoarder in the medical sense. Most older people hang on to possessions they don’t really need, because they have sentimental value. Although, the difference here is that they can continue with their lives like the rest of us.
At What Stage Does a Hoarder Need Help?
Intervening, and helping a person with hoarding disorder usually only becomes necessary when the situation threatens their health and safety:
- The clutter obstructs the normal use of their rooms, and passages, staircases and doors.
- The person living in the home becomes emotionally distressed if we try to tidy things up.
- The place has become unhygienic, with excessive dust, filth and mildew everywhere.
This situation can develop almost unnoticed by others, if the hoarder becomes ashamed of their lifestyle. It quite often happens that they shun family and friends. This leads to a breakdown in social networking, and almost inevitably loneliness.
Hoarded Clutter Pic 1 © Encountered by Avery Associates
How to Help a Person With Hoarding Disorder
Someone trapped in a situation such as the hoard in our photo, may not see it as a problem. Therefore, you may expect to have to make several attempts before you have their attention. Pushing harder, or enforcing a hoarder house clearance can increase resistance. Therefore you may need to take a more subtle approach.
That more cautious approach could improve actively emphathising with your hoarding friend, and showing that you are there to help. But first you need to prepare yourself according to Help Guide website:
- Research the internet and learn about the condition from authority sites that you can trust.
- Take careful note of how your friend describes their condition and possessions.
- Use those same terms when you speak to them, so you are on the same page all the time.
- Don’t hammer hoarding for hoarding’s sake. Focus on the health and hygiene situation.
Above all remember not to criticize the hoarder. Focus on the problem, and how to solve it going forward. You may encourage them to seek professional help, but only if they are willing and open to the suggestion.
Counter-Productive Behaviour to Avoid
It is not difficult to lose your patience and cool, when helping a person with hoarding disorder. Take a step back if you feel this is happening, and revisit these guidelines:
- Don’t do anything to enforce their hoarding by triggering rejection.
- Never clean up a hoarder’s home. This gives them a reason not to do it.
- Be realistic in your expectations. Don’t ask them to do the impossible.
- Avoid bringing gifts when you visit, as these could add to the hoard.
- Understand and accept that you are both stressed. Allow for it.
The picture below is from a house we cleared after the hoarder moved to a care home
Hoarded Clutter Pic 2 © Encountered by Avery Associates
A Program to Clear a Hoarded House
Helping a person with hoarding disorder tidy their home and make it safe begins with motivating them to change. This takes time and patience, because we are asking them to adapt core values. Here are a few steps to consider that may help you:
Focus on Making Their Home Safe
Don’t try and turn the project into a redecorating job. Your role is to make the place safe again, not rearrange it the way you think it should be. Begin by removing the most obvious obstructions and take steps one at a time.
Don’t Attempt To Do the Impossible
Subdivide your program into small, manageable tasks. Single out items that really are redundant, agree, and then bag them for refuse. Take a break if you feel tension building. Rome was not built in a day.
Let the Hoarder Own the Decisions
Never attempt to wrest control away from a hoarder. You may suggest things, but they must agree and implement them. Try not to let everything end up in the ‘perhaps pile’. You want action.
Hire a Contractor For the ‘Heavy Lifting’
Use a company like Avery Associates to remove unwanted items, especially large items of furniture. They will be quite happy to give you a free quote. Oh and by the way they are also professional valuers of antiques and collectibles. You might be surprised at what could be lying under the junk
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